Tag Archives: thomas wheatley

Christmas judgment

21 Dec

It’s nearly the end of another year, which means it’s time to reflect on all the people who rubbed us the wrong way in 2011 and make empty threats about what we’ll do to them if they pull that shit one more time in 2012.

In the interest of Christmas cliches, we have compiled our annual naughty and nice list. Do you want the good news first or the bad news first?

1. Kim Severson
2. Robbie Brown
3. Kim Severson and Robbie Brown on the same byline

Everyone’s still buzzing about Severson’s latest thing, “that pecan article” (come on, Hawkdogg hasn’t updated his MySpace page since March!), and we’re probably still rolling our eyes over Severson-Brown’s “black Hollywood” piece. (Good inventory of subtle offenses here.)

Oh, and let’s not forget Brown’s Waffle House crime story.

These are the issues that Atlanta and the South face. THESE ARE THE THINGS NEW YORK TIMES READERS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TO CONTINUE SHAPING THEIR WORLDVIEW which apparently begins and ends with that one scene from Mame where Lucille Ball goes to Savannah to meet Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside’s family.

But these articles to which we’ve already alluded barely scratch the surface of what Severson and Brown are capable of! Sometimes they cover the ho-hum trend pieces for which The New York Times is famous, or they’ll hone in on one person in a human interest profile and won’t try to convince the readership that this one Bogart man or “Windy” (=Gone With the Wind fanatic) represents the whole of the South, all of it, every last person. But then there are the times they get carried away, lost in some grotesque scattershot caricature that they know readers from other geographic regions will read with glee.

Behold some of their most offensive clippings and anecdotes from the past year or so: Continue reading

Hot trainny mess

15 Sep

According to the most recent audience reach and customer demographic analysis by the Pecanne Log market research division, the average reader of this blog is a 57-year-old white male who makes 46.2 online purchases a month, is a model train hobbyist, reads rail timetables for pleasure, and eats Jimmy Dean products four meals a week.

These findings are likely due to the fact that Pecanne Log’s only reader is Thomas Wheatley, and that’s just when we pop up in his Google Alerts for himself. We also might be like the 80th result when Thomas Wheatley googles “Sam Massell’s Celebrity Transit Policy Alaskan Cruise 2012.”

Anyway, all this goes to say that the average reader of this blog might also find interest in Burnaway’s annual art party fundraiser, happening this Saturday night:

  1. The theme is “trains”
  2. Tickets can be purchased online
  3. Thomas Wheatley will be performing
  4. There will be food trucks (of course) but it’s cool if you bring your own Jimmy Deans

To make up for there being no Atlanta cookie cakes for sale this year, here’s some TRAIN FASHION.

Southern Railway, Southern Streamline Train; March 1941

Continue reading

Halloween, again: It’s never too late to not really try

30 Oct

Well, here we are again. Sheer hours away from the high expectations that your peers place on Halloween costume creativity and skill, and you haven’t thought of anything even remotely adequate to leave the house wearing. Don’t even THINK about going to Costumes Etc. at this point unless you have two whole hours to kill waiting in line behind people renting elaborate steampunk evening wear.

Here, we have made a little list for you, like we always do, of things you can be for Halloween. You barely need to make an effort.

via ABC News

Sexy King of Pops – Does that sound redundant? No, go all low-self-esteem-on-Halloween-style on his look. Dress exactly like the King of Pops, but with all the clothing cropped inappropriately short and revealing.

via AJC

Phantom of the Fox – Just throw in a phantom mask to be a little more literal, so you don’t look too much like the nightmare Six Flags man.

Ghost of discontinued MARTA routes– Roam the former bus routes like a lost MARTA soul!

Ghost of Grandma Gordon – What does a vengeful antebellum pecan tree spirit look like? Figure it out yourself. I’m just making suggestions.

Check cashing/payday lending/We Buy Gold/Title Max place – I don’t know, it seems timely. There are so many these days.

bottom half of photo by Jason Travis

Hobo Persona series – What do you carry in your hobo sack/trash bag/shopping cart? Cans of baked beans? Sugar packets? Napkins stolen from fast food places? Human teeth?

We came up with another really good one today but it requires some work and we gave it away to Thomas Wheatley, so you’ll have to stay tuned to see if he manages to pull himself together.

Previously: Your one stop Halloween costume shop

Write ins

28 Jul

Best hair: John Portman and Maria Saporta

via Wikipedia and Atlanta Business Chronicle

Best hair in HD: Thomas Wheatley

via brookehatfield

Best Marietta lady hair accessory on primary election night: Marie Barnes

via AJC

Cake walk through Atlanta

15 Jul

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the Pecanne Log centerfold of Thomas Wheatley-designed cookie cakes. I alluded to these last month for the BurnAway fundraiser/Lot & Parcel and I know a lot of people didn’t take us seriously. I didn’t take us seriously, but then after making 13 batches of cookie cake batter (=2 sticks of butter each) I came around and realized this was really happening.

And then after the bake sale, I wanted to wait a little while to celebrate that we pulled this off in case anyone who took one of these cakes home died (the BeltLine one was pretty undercooked in the middle) (metaphor!). I am happy to say we sold all but three, one of which was secretly devoured by the bar volunteers (they deserved it) and the other two of which we kind of phoned in when we decorated (we deserved it).

First, a few words about the creative process. Not to brag, but I can decorate a high-quality cookie cake (birthday party caliber) in five minutes flat. Thomas is still struggling with expressing himself in an efficient manner via decorative gel. It was really hard for me to hold back when I wanted to mentor him artistically yet not smother his creativity. Often he wanted to use hot pink buttercream frosting to recreate architecture that would look better in a more natural color and with a more delicate line, but I had to sit back and let the Olympic Spirit carry him. Sometimes I would lose my patience and covertly churn out a design (anything you see below that uses cursive script, obviously).

These are all issues we’ll have to work out when we quit our day jobs to bake and decorate Atlanta-themed cookie cakes full time.

Westview Cemetery

(Click any to enlarge.) Continue reading

Run of the mill

14 Jun

Things Miss Darrow’s award-winning vanity side project BurnAway is too classy/brief to tell you about this event:

  1. Bring lots of dollar bills to buy dinner from Farm Cart (a close and mobile relative of Farm Burger) and the King of Pops.
  2. One of the works of art mentioned above won’t be there; it was eaten by squirrels. You can preview some of those that weren’t eaten on Culture Surfing.
  3. This will be the launch of the first-ever Thomas Wheatley Charity Bake Sale; cookie cakes decorated by Thomas Wheatley with “signature scenes of Atlanta” will be available for purchase. Makes a great Father’s Day gift!
  4. The Goat Farm is the former E. Van Winkle Gin and Machine Works. It is awesome!
  5. If you buy something fancy at the PonyUp! Vintage trunk show (Saturday, 2-8 pm, MINT Gallery) and mention BurnAway, they will give you a 10% discount. A TEN PERCENT DISCOUNT!

Pecanne Log’s Rural Explorer

9 May

When Thomas Wheatley told me that the theme of this year’s Urban Explorer issue was OTP, I was so excited! “I have just the places for you!” I cried. But then I found out that it was only the nearby metro Atlanta suburbs, not just anywhere in the continental United States that happens to be outside of I-285. Well, fiddlesticks. So all my recommendations fell on deaf ears because they were “too far to drive.” That doesn’t mean I can’t share them with you, Pecanne Log readers. You are more intellectually curious that the average Creative Loafing reader, as our expert marketing team has discovered. You are more likely to take risks and engage in your surroundings. That is why we present you now with:


Continue reading

St. Patrick’s Day, again??

17 Mar

It would be so easy to write another throwaway St. Patrick’s Day post about Thomas Wheatley. TOO EASY. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. Instead, we will talk about the most famous Irish person to ever emerge from Atlanta (really, Jonesboro): Scarlett O’Hara.
Okay, so she wasn’t a “real” person. And this isn’t a “real” photograph of her, but just a Madame Alexander doll. But you know what is real? This video Stevie Nicks did, the forgotten, original “Stand Back” music video, inspired by Gone With the Wind! Continue reading

We got scooped

5 Mar

The ever-helpful Thomas Wheatley mentioned the 1992 sci-fi action film Freejack in the comments of one of the countless things I’ve written about Dowtown, but I didn’t notice until someone stole the clip for post fodder at Atlanta Metblogs. Fair enough! But I’m still using Thomas’ tip since I was just talking about Sharky’s Machine not so long ago.

Freejack, starring Emilio Estevez, Rene Russo, Anthony Hopkins, and Mick Jagger, is supposed to take place in the Bronx and Manhattan in 2009, but they shot this particular scene in Downtown Atlanta in the very early 1990s. The Civic Center MARTA station and the old Atlanta Constitution building have cameos.

This is basically no different than how people drive on West Peachtree now.

According to Thomas, this is the only scene filmed in Downtown Atlanta, but there are probably plenty of scenes like this:

Previously: Vintage violence

Tween genius

25 Jan

Stephen Stafford makes my heart explode, in a good way. T. Wheatdawg profiled this 13-year-old Morehouse sophomore for Creative Loafing. Someone needs to make this kid the face of Atlanta, stat!

I just love the idea of the city, like downtown Atlanta. I went there for the first time the other week. We went to this building and it had a radio station. I was on two radio shows in the same building. And I just loved downtown.

Rah rah rah!

Here’s an Inside DeKalb video interview of the little tyke from last summer.

Stephen is infinitely more appealing than the last Georgia homeschooler to make the news.

Boob tube

24 Jan

Just wondering if Thomas Wheatley got his new television from Love TV Rental.

Previously: The most fantastic disco in the South

Bad call, Mr. Wheatley!

15 Oct

510402709_423891Well, the dust has settled on Creative Loafing‘s endorsements, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still hurt by one in particular, and all the keying in the world of Thomas Wheatley’s previously-owned 2008 Honda Accord hasn’t made that hurt go away. Who does Thomas Wheatley think he is, anyway?! He doesn’t even live in Atlanta; did you know that? Yeah, he’s a suburbanite, yet he’s allowed to go on writing for Creative Loafing Atlanta! And then has the audacity to tell us who to vote for! WHY DON’T YOU GO  WRITE FOR DECATUR METRO INSTEAD SINCE YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH, THOMAS WHEATLEY!!

And why does everyone call him “young Mr. Wheatley”? Thomas Wheatley was born in 1962, people! That’s not young at all!

Previously: Amore for Amir

We forgot in 2008, so this year we’re going all out

16 Aug

thomas wheatley
Each year he gets closer and closer to The Big Chill.

Just a suggestion

10 Jul


This was only my first of many, many ballots I will forge for Creative Loafing‘s Best of Atlanta ’09, and look what I noticed:
Picture 9

Before I could even finish! Is the site prompting me to vote for him? Is it just a lucky prediction? Or has he garnered that many votes already? What does the smiley face mean? HOW DOES DEMOCRACY WORK?

(Sorry, Mark Davis, but we gotta stay tru to our roots and vote for T-Dubs. Bulldawgs 4 lyfe!)

We also want to encourage all our readers to vote for Miss Darrow’s vanity project, Burn Away, for best local arts website.

Pecanne Log won’t be campaigning for votes for any category because the shame of not winning after publicly admitting it’s important to us to have that kind of validation and recognition would be too crushing. We have dignity, you know! And last year we received some sort of consolation prize for making Thomas Wheatley a household name, and that’s enough, right? Here’s a photo of us at the award ceremony last year: Continue reading

Summer reading

9 Jul

GrandOperaHsAtlantaBoy, are you guys in for a treat! Guess what I just got in the mail? Highbrows, Hillbillies and Hellfire: Public Entertainment in Atlanta, 1880-1930, by Steve Goodson. I’m excited to get to the part about dime museums so maybe I can get some ideas for a little dime museum of my own. I think I am going to try to buy the Rose Mansion, that brick Victorian house on Peachtree across from Crawford Long, and open the dime museum there. Then I could also eat chicken, waffles, or game pie whenever I felt like it, on account of its proximity to Gladys Knight Chicken & Waffles and the Shakespeare Tavern.

Would you guys pay a dime to see my treasures and some sort of hastily assembled freak show, with acts like “The Terrifying Girl Who Loses Her Temper All Too Quickly” and “The Well-Mannered Gentleman With The Astounding Ability To Prepare Over One Hundred Delicious Dishes With Only Mexicorn And Mayonnaise” and “Thomas Wheatley”?

Wait, according to my calculations, 10 cents in 1869 (the heyday of Atlanta’s dime museum scene) is equal to $1.60 today. Well, there goes my business model.

Tag team Rascals

6 Jul

I only wish more of our readers would send in their Rascal gang sightings, like the one Thomas Wheatley helpfully submitted today.
However, we did receive a hot tip earlier this evening that, “I just saw a pidgeon [sic] eating a condom at whole foods.” That one, although unrelated to personal mobility devices, was also pretty good.

Previously: Your Rascal, your safety, and you

This glorious occasion

19 May

Hear, hear! Congratulations to Thomas Wheatley for winning a Pultizer Prize for his coverage of Saxby’s fake victory party in 2008!
Well, almost. He is actually a finalist for an Association of Alternative Newsweeklies award for his feature story “Sober.” Here’s to hoping the AAN doesn’t fold before Thomas gets to put on his finest L.L.Bean corduroy blazer and accept the honor! We are so proud!

Previously: War and Peace

Luck o’ the gingers

16 Mar

I wasn’t able to submit to Access Atlanta a photo of Thomas because of the extensive registration process required on AJC. So here you go, readers. Happy Thomas “St.” Patrick Wheatley’s Day.
troy beltron
I did notice that another Loafer made it to the AJC gallery of redheads, but even if David Lee Simmons gave AJC all of his personal information, he still couldn’t slip his subtle plug for his employer past the censors.
david lee simmons
Hmmmmm. When will the AJC admit that Creative Loafing exists?

Thomas Wheatley is famous

13 Mar

2998561532_a6fabb431c_oWe haven’t been too hot on the Wheatdawg trail lately, but that ends TODAY when Thomas made national news just for doing his job, which is 1) playing on Facebook all day and 2) identifying when Georgia politicians are being racist. Read about his triumphs on celebrity news blog Wonkette or directly on the Fresh Loaf post he wrote on the matter, and celebrate by submitting his photo to Access Atlanta, which is collecting photos of redheads right now.

Previously: Coppertop News Network

Coppertop News Network

9 Jan

Despite his seniority at Creative Loafing by virtue of attrition, Thomas Wheatley’s first real brush with fame was when Rick Sanchez cited him on Twitter and Facebook. But we all thought Thomas was officially Big Time after he was published in Next American City (circulation: 56, all city and regional planning grad students at UPenn). But then:
THE DR. SANJAY GUPTA. Does this mean Thomas may be tapped as Undersecretary of Diet Coke? Watch this space!

Oh and Thomas, this is our way of telling you we have your Gmail password. Whoops!

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